Sometimes I have trouble with what we call this “Cosmic Dance.” It’s not the way I want it to be and it’s not the way I feel it’s supposed to be. So, who wants to dance this way? Who wants to look at life and watch it unfold in front of me? Not me!! I want to know who, what, where and if it’s not too much trouble for the Universe I would like to know exactly what time too. I’m tired of learning lessons and I say this with no fault. Im just tired. I want the fun to begin and I’m ready for life!!!
But as I look back with my spoiled child attitude, I see that so much of it has been that. A cosmic dance. So well-orchestrated I couldn’t have come up with it if I tried. I look at the journey into Eastern Medicine and then the sharp turn that said for me “it isn’t enough” I look at the restaurant owner whose office was stuck by lightning only to become a haven for others to heal. A Wellness center built literally from the ashes and dust.
I can see now the creation of the Gurus and many teachers in my life, all chosen for a specific time, to depart vast amounts of energy and wisdom from which I would never turn back. I never gave up my old self. All that I have learned I have taken with me and there is a piece of it in all I do today. I love my life but I am confused by it. This Cosmic dance as they call it turns me upside down. I can understand the miracles and the flow of the dance since my sobriety, but I do feel my addiction remains the same. I want more!!! I want more, I want it now and if not, I want to know when. It is that exact attitude that will get me NOWHERE.
When I owned my restaurant and was a young single mom, I had no time for a Cosmic dance. Everything was controlled everywhere. I had it organized to the minute. It had to be or I thought it would fall apart. But what happened was, it did fall apart and I fell apart with it! Now I’ve learned to love my life and the motion in which it comes. I’ve understood that God/Universe/Divine has a plan. But what I don’t know yet is what the heck it is and every time I go looking for it I end up the wrong way. Every door I bang on has a big huge NO. Not even a not yet, just a NO. But I do know that if I do my service and follow my soul the Dance will lead me there. I may not always like the song they are playing, but I have learned that I like to dance a lot.